Itch In My Brain

Yes, The Passion of the Christ, uncut, uncensored, and 100% free. Well… sorta kinda.

Ken McIntyre serves up some more hysterical Flash animation with Steven Seagal as the butt of the joke. Oh, and Christopher Walken’s gonna be there too!

I’m a sucker for sharp political humor. I’m a sucker for ingenious Flash cartoons, too. These are just priceless:

Episode 1 - Gary Busey
Episode 2 - Bill Cosby
Episode 3 - Samuel L. Jackson/Christopher Walken

Yooha! has a set of hilariously-captioned AP news photos featuring Bush and his criminal gang.

Amazing. It’s like Krusty the Klown in the flesh…an insane, incredibly vulgar loudmouth clown a assaulting people on the streets of NYC and New Orleans.

Allegedly this guy is linked with Howard Stern. You’ve been warned.

Nicely twisted spins on classic children’s stories: Horton Hires a Whore, Curious George and the High-Tension Power Line, and more.

Watch little Russian boy Eugene Mirman put his unique spin on all your favorite popular tunes. He started singing “Mickey” when the page loaded and I almost pissed myself laughing.

Truck Guy was one of the great discoveries I made during my online travels. Part superhero movie, part chopsocky, part total insanity… lots of wacky fun. The main site went offline long ago, but a Google search tonight led me to all five episodes, and plenty of extras.

Want to slap down $2 of your hard earned money on some tasty libations, but just can’t decide which one?

Have no fear! Bumwine has in-depth reviews of all your favorites: Mad Dog 20/20, Night Train, T-bird and much more. Here’s a sample of the fine criticism you’d expect from a bum wine snob:

Anyways, if your taste buds are shot, and you need to get trashed with a quickness, then “T-bird” is the drink for you.  Or, if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird.  As you drink on, the bird soars higher while you sink lower.  The undisputed leader of the five in foulness of flavor, we highly discourage driking this ghastly mixture of unknown chemicals unless you really are a bum.  A convenience store clerk in Show Low, AZ once told me that only the oldest of stumbling indian drunks from the reservation buy Thunderbird.  Avaliable in 750 mL and a devastating 50 oz jug.

Some background: NBC owns Conan’s show, and also owns USA Network. USA owns… yep, Chuck Norris’s Walker: Texas Ranger! What better idea than for Conan to show dozens of video clips from Walker?

I’ve never seen the show (Norris’s, that is)… but I have a hard time believing these clips are any less funny in their proper context.

Check out all five clips!

During my daily visit to milkandcookies.com, what should I see?

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog harrassing the Michael Jackson supporters outside the courthouse.

Funniest. Triumph. EVER.

Check it out. Keep liquids away from your keyboard.

Now that the Michael Jackson trial is once again at our throats, it might be a good time to pause and reflect on how the jury cut through the mustard so quickly on this matter.

No doubt they were all provided with this helpful guide: A brief HIStory of Michael Jackson’s face.

Happy Tree Friends. It’s like Itchy & Scratchy, only 10x more twisted. This page has all the toons plus the extra smoochies and kringles.

Achewood is the greatest internet comic known to man, second only to This Modern World.

Click here for a good reason why.

Here’s a Quicktime clip of Crispin Glover guesting on Letterman, circa 1987. Rumor has it that he was tripping on LSD during the appearance, but others claim he was testing out a character for an upcoming movie.

Personally I think Glover is weird enough to begin with, but he’s obviously more spaced-out than usual here.

More fun with the Advertising Slogan Generator:

A Sausage Works Wonders.
Ribbed For Her Beaver.
It’s Not All Pork, Pork, Pork, you know. Making Meth Taste Better.
Designed for Jacko, Engineered to Last.

A classic.

The best ones I managed:

“Cleans Right Round the Falafel”
“You Need a Falafel”
“Cheney Keeps Going and Going”

Gizoogle is a fun but useless service that translates text or websites into gangsta slang.

As an example, here’s the first paragraph of the Declaration of Independence:

When in tha course of human events, it becomes necessary fo` one thugz ta dissolve tha politizzles bands whiznich hizzle connected thizzay wittanotha, n ta assume among tha wanna be gangsta of tha earth, tha separate n equal station ta which tha laws of nature n of natures god entitle T-H-to-tha-izzem, a decent respect ta tha opinions of mankind requires thizzat they should declare tha causes which impel thizzem ta tha separizzles , niggaz, better recognize.

No pot? No problem!

After all, there’s always the trusty folks at the pharmaceutical industry, ready to ply you with sensibly-priced Viagra and lithium.