Itch In My Brain

The media is abuzz today as Bush announces his pick for Sandra Day O’Connor’s replacement: White House counsel Harriet Miers? She’s never been a judge, even!

This is another crony appointment… another yes-person who strokes Bush’s ego like a newborn kitten. David Frum fills in the blanks:

In the White House that hero worshipped the president, Miers was distinguished by the intensity of her zeal: She once told me that the president was the most brilliant man she had ever met.

Sweet Jesus. Hold on while I vomit.We have a winner here!

A Daily Kos writer offered some more substantive motives for why Bush would pick such a blatantly inappropriate person:

1.) She’s an intellectual lightweight, easily influenced. Putting her on the Court with two purportedly “brilliant” Conservatives - Scalia and Roberts - makes her a lockstep vote with them. She may not qualify ideologically as a Right-Wing Conservative, but she can be counted on to vote that way.

2.) She’s his legal fixer, someone who knows where all the bodies are buried. She’s accustomed to saving him from sticky legal situations - vide the National Guard records cleansing. She can be counted on to protect him at all costs - and he is going to need the Supreme Court to protect him.

The Supreme Court is going to have to rule on whether a sitting President can be indicted when there is no House Judiciary Committee willing to vote for impeachment. The Supreme Court is going to have to issue a raft of rulings on issues stemming from the Fitzgerald indictments, the DeLay case, the entire mess of worms on K Street and in the Congress.

Bush is no longer thinking about his “legacy”. He’s thinking about remaining a free man. This choice tells us that they know that they are guilty and are facing very serious legal consequences. Miers may be all that can keep Bush out of jail, perhaps for treason.

I’m a sucker for sharp political humor. I’m a sucker for ingenious Flash cartoons, too. These are just priceless:

Episode 1 - Gary Busey
Episode 2 - Bill Cosby
Episode 3 - Samuel L. Jackson/Christopher Walken

One of the pivotal heart-wrenching moments in the Hurricane Katrina aftermath came when Aaron Broussard, president of Jefferson Parish, broke down during a live interview with Tim Russert as he recalled the tragic drowning of an employee’s invalid mother.

Since then, the story of willful abandonment at St. Rita’s Nursing Home has gained national attention… but with it came some small factual errors in regard to Broussard’s outburst.

Russert got a chance to interview Broussard again today, and decided to call him on these discrepancies, as if it actually matters that Broussard got his dates wrong during an emotional shipwreck.

Broussard handled these innuendos from a worthless turd like Russert in the only possible manner: right back in your face, buddy. Check out the video link for more.

Yooha! has a set of hilariously-captioned AP news photos featuring Bush and his criminal gang.

After looking at last week’s debate between Chris Hitchens and George Galloway and being duly impressed by the latter, I traveled around the web to see if any more videos of him existed. I’d nearly forgotten that Galloway was one of the individuals the Bush administration attempted to implicate in the Oil-for-food Scandal earlier this year.

Galloway was called before the Senate in an unprecedented testimonial on his alleged involvement with the Hussein regime. You can watch the entire proceedings here. It is perhaps the first time in our history that a foreign statesman has bitchslapped our corrupt Senate right on the chamber floor.

Conservatives attack Galloway as an appeaser and supporter of Saddam Hussein, while failing to note that the documents “implicating” him were forgeries distributed after the war. It’s also important to point out that no one on either side of the Atlantic has bothered to bring Galloway to trial (because there is absolutely no evidence against him). Galloway’s unmitigated victory in a libel suit on the same topic is further proof in his favor.

British MP George Galloway recently debated former liberal Christopher Hitchens in NYC on September 14, and it was quite a showdown. Tempers flared on both sides as Hitchens defended his decision to support the Iraq War in the face of blistering attacks from Galloway:

You start off being the liberal mouthpiece of one of the most reactionary governments this country has ever seen on the subject of war. You say you’ve got your own liberal reasons for doing so, and you end up an apologist and a mouthpiece for those miserable, malevolent incompetents who couldn’t even pick up the bodies of their own citizens in New Orleans in the aftermath of a hurricane.

That’s where it ends. That’s where it ends. You end up a mouthpiece and an apologist for the Bush family whose matriarch, you want to talk about racism? What about Barbara Bush? What about Barbara Bush who took a look at the poor, huddled, masses in the Astrodome and told us they’d never had it so good? Who told us they were better off than they’d ever been. Underprivileged people, now in an Astrodome, the only problem with whom she said was that so many of them wanted to stay in Texas. You know, Hitchens, you’re a court jester. You’re a court jester.

Not at Camelot, like other ridiculous other former liberals before you, but at the court of the Bourbon Bushes. Barbara Bush, the Marie Antoinette of modern-day American politics.

Advantage: Galloway. Hitchens, while a master of polite and eloquent rhetoric, offered nothing but the usual neo-con grab bag of talking points. Galloway nailed him repeatedly on his hypocritical stances.

View the entire video here. Keep in mind this debate is two hours long; set aside time for it. It’s well worth the watch.

Only George Bush could think someone this incompetent did a heck of a job:

The government’s disaster chief waited until hours after Hurricane Katrina had already struck the Gulf Coast before asking his boss to dispatch 1,000 Homeland Security employees to the region - and gave them two days to arrive, according to internal documents.

Michael Brown, director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, sought the approval from Homeland Security Secretary Mike Chertoff roughly five hours after Katrina made landfall on Aug. 29. Brown said that among duties of these employees was to “convey a positive image” about the government’s response for victims.

Before then, FEMA had positioned smaller rescue and communications teams across the Gulf Coast. But officials acknowledged Tuesday the first department-wide appeal for help came only as the storm raged.

Either these people in the Bush cabinet are the dumbest sons of bitches ever to walk the earth, or something else is going on here… something so sinister, it bothers me just to contemplate it. But, take the above and add it up:

- The phone lines cut by FEMA in Orleans Parish.
- Refusal of foreign aid workers and money.

- Refusal of water deliveries from local Wal-marts.

- Refusal to moblize ships on the coast that were ready to assist.

The list goes on and on. I will dare to say it: what happened here was, to a certain extent, deliberate. It was a passive eugenics operation directed at the poor. Nothing else, other than amazing coincidence or stunning incompetence, explains it.

Moreso, if it was merely a matter of incompetence, why hasn’t Bush reprimanded and fired a whole list of people responsible under him, including Chertoff and Brown? Think about it.

Gov. Jeb Bush asked a prosecutor Friday to investigate why Terri Schiavo collapsed 15 years ago, calling into question how long it took her husband to call 911 after he found her.
In a letter faxed to Pinellas-Pasco County State Attorney Bernie McCabe, Bush said Michael Schiavo testified in a 1992 medical malpractice trial that he found his wife collapsed at 5 a.m., and he said in a 2003 television interview that he found her about 4:30 a.m. He called 911 at 5:40 a.m.
“Between 40 and 70 minutes elapsed before the call was made, and I am aware of no explanation for the delay,” Bush wrote. “In light of this new information, I urge you to take a fresh look at this case without any preconceptions as to the outcome.

Okay… so we have an autopsy in which hard science puts to rest all foul play and rehab blather… to which the critics complained that uncertainty [at the time] should have led people to keep her alive, it’s too late to dig deeper now that she’s dead, etc…

So… why is Bush bringing this up now? It’s not new information at all, it was available to any lawyer… and certainly the Schindler attorney knew of it while Terri was still alive. Why are we asking the question and demanding a probe now? Why did Bush suddenly stop twiddling his thumbs, as he did almost immediately after the tube was pulled?

Sorry, this reeks of saving ass for the pro-life vote in future elections.

In a CBS News/New York Times poll out Thursday, more than half the public disapproves of the job he’s doing. And it gets worse from there:

Folks, get ready for a huge Strawberry Red Terra Alert. He needs one.

As with the Jacko fiasco, another overblown, media-driven bag of hot air mercifully fizzles out, as the autopsy results re: Terri Schiavo are made public. The results are not at all surprising. Science 1, Hysterical Right Wingers 0.

Will loudmouth jerks like Sean Hannity –  who gleefully trotted out anyone who’d claim that Michael Schiavo was continually attempting to assassinate his wife –  publicly apologize to him on national television? Ha. Right.

Equally unsurprising was the White House reaction. Bush hasn’t changed his position, essentially:

“So what? My brain is half normal size too, and I function just fine!”

Now that the Michael Jackson trial is once again at our throats, it might be a good time to pause and reflect on how the jury cut through the mustard so quickly on this matter.

No doubt they were all provided with this helpful guide: A brief HIStory of Michael Jackson’s face.

Brief thoughts on today’s verdict. I do mean brief, too. I really could care less about Michael Jackson. I’ve always despised pop music in general, and I’m probably among the few in the world who won’t tap his feet to “Thriller”, even.

1. Did MJ pull an OJ? In my humble opinion, yes. There are definite similarities. Colorful witnesses? Check. Incompetent prosecutor? Check. Charismatic defense attorney? Check. Celebrity factor? Fuckin’ A. Differences? Precious few. Unlike Lance Ito, the judge in the Jacko trial was balanced and sane, able to keep control of a media circus with relatively few stupid concessions. Unlike the Simpson jury, the ones involved in Jacko’s trial seemed to all have functioning brain stems, plus full ranges of chromosomes.

2. Related to #1, the funniest thing I’ve noticed in the post-trial analysis is the utter lack of race-baiting. OJ’s supporters pounded on the false notion that he was the poor black victim of a high-tech lynching. Even Jesse Jackson, God bless him, hasn’t made this claim about Michael. And honestly, who could make the argument with a straight face? Michael Jackson has the same complexion as Marshmallow Fluff. Like OJ, he hasn’t contributed to the black community in years. You want a genuine champion of Afro-American causes? Jim Brown, baby.

3. I know what you’re all thinking. How can I be so non-chalant about Jacko getting off scot-free, if I do believe him to be a pedophile? I suppose I’m jaded. No one gets outraged when the Catholic Church lets men of the cloth diddle little boys. Heck, the ringleaders get promoted by the Pope to posh seats in Roman basilicas. That said, why should anyone be so upset about a noseless, washed-up pop star who lets monkeys dust his furniture?

4. I’m glad this is over. MJ can go return to his Peter Pan porn shack, and the country can get on with issues that matter. Kudos to the liberals who have resisted the urge to hammer Bush on the Downing Street Minutes last week. The mainstream media would have moonwalked right over it into oblivion.

Um… yeahhhhh… right. Democratic Underground’s analysis of Neil Cavuto’s “fair and balanced” interview with Chimpy McFlightsuit:

Last week Our Great Leader was interviewed by Neil Cavuto, right there on Fox News. Now we can directly compare a Fox News reporter’s questioning of George Bush with a Fox News reporter’s questioning of Howard Dean. Let’s go to the transcript to see what kind of pugnacious journalism Neil Cavuto has in store for us:

NEIL CAVUTO, HOST: Mr. President, welcome to FOX. It’s great to have you.

GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Thank you, Neil.

CAVUTO: We were thinking of you, Mr. President, we knew you had won the election and now we have heard that you had better grades than your opponent too in college.

Hmm. Well, I suppose this is the start of the interview. Perhaps Cavuto needs some time to warm up.

CAVUTO: What did you think with the release of those transcripts?

BUSH: I didn’t think much about it. You know, I’ve always tried to lower expectations, and I feel like if people say, well, you know, maybe, you know, I don’t think you handle the tough job, and when you do, it impresses people even more. But my view is the campaign is over.

CAVUTO: Yes. He was billed as the intellectual, though, and you had better grades in college.

Right… well, perhaps Cavuto will move onto something more substantial. Let’s see… what about the economy?

CAVUTO: Let me ask you about the economy, sir. Almost any objective read tells you that we’re still doing very, very well. Productivity is very high. Had a strong GDP report. Retail sales are very, very strong. The unemployment rate, at 5.1 percent, used to be considered full employment when Hubert Humphrey was alive. Do you think you get a bum rap in the media on the economy?

Whoa - what the hell is THAT? Is that supposed to be a question? Uh, let’s see, what else do we have here…

CAVUTO: Well, do you think wealthier folks like you, when you retire, and maybe TV anchors too, should not get Social Security, or should have their benefits pared?

BUSH: No, I think you ought to get Social Security, because you paid into the system. But I don’t think your benefits ought to rise faster than the rate of inflation. And I do think poorer citizens ought to have their benefits rise at the rate of wages, which would enable us to say two things. One, no one should retire in poverty. In other words, if you worked all your life in a tough job and you contributed to the Social Security system, when you retire, you ought not to retire into poverty. And secondly, such a plan, called progressive indexing, will go a long way towards solving the Social Security problem permanently.

CAVUTO: You know, a lot of economists agree with that, Mr. President.

Jesus. Okay, one more - perhaps there’s a tough question in here somewhere:

CAVUTO: I know this is a little outlandish, Mr. President…

BUSH: No, that’s all right, Neil.

CAVUTO: Do you think that the focus on Michael Jackson has hurt you?

Okay, that’s it. I’m done. Please excuse me for a moment while I attempt to beat my own brains out with my keyboard.

Three cheers for Bill! He says it well:

The people in America who are most in favor of the Iraq war must now go there and fight it.  The Army missed its recruiting goal by 42% last month.  More people joined the Michael Jackson Fan Club. “We’ve done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit.”  And now we need warm bodies.  We need warm bodies like Paula Abdul needs…warm bodies.

… Now, I know you’re thinking, `But Bill, I already do my part with the “Support Our Troops” magnet I have on my Chevy Tahoe.  How much more can one man give?’  Well, here’s an intriguing economic indicator.  It’s been over a year since they graduated, but neither of the Bush twins has been able to find work.  Why don’t they sign up?  Do they hate America or just freedom in general?

And that goes for everybody who helped sell this war.  You’ve got to go first. … Ann Coulter, darling, trust me, you will love the Army.  You think you make up shit…  But mostly, we have to send Mr. And Mrs. Britney Spears.  Because Britney once said, “We should trust our president in every decision that he makes, and we should just support that and be faithful in what happens.”  Okay, somebody has to die for that.  Or at least go.  …  And think of the spiritual lift it will provide to troops and civilians alike when actual combat smacks the smirk off of Kevin Federline’s face and fills his low-hanging trousers with dootie.

Some hilarious video and audio clips for everyone:

First, an audio clip of the 2000 election night phone call between George Bush and Al Gore.

Next up is a cartoon re-enactment of Bill O’Reilly’s infamous phone sex conversations. Be sure to click the “Change Metaphor’ button repeatedly throughout the animation for some real laughs.

I should trust my instincts more often. I had my suspicions about this from the very beginning when I heard they found clumps of cut hair. That, and the buggy Prozac eyes she exhibits in every single picture they’ve shown on the news. How could anyone discount the runaway bride theory with those two clues?

Drain law enforcement resources, torture your family/friends, and get your fiancee accused of being a murderer. All because you can’t say “Sorry hun, this won’t work out”.

Throw this psycho in the klink, already.

Just watched The Abrams Report on MSNBC… they’re discussing Soctt Peterson’s new life on Death Row in San Quentin prison. Apparently he is in an “adjustment center” where new inmates are evaluated before they’re released into the general prison population.

According to the SQ warden, they’re ready to pair Peterson up with a cellmate, a fellow murderer. Get ready for the inmate’s nickname, I shit you not:

THE SAUSAGE KING!

Abrams acdtually stumbled a bit and explained that the inmate is named that way because he sold sausages for a living. I can’t help but laugh.

First thing that pops into my mind is Ferris Bueller’s alter ego… Abe Vroman, the “sausage king of Chicago”!

Then I remembered that we’re talking about a prison here. I wonder if Scott is a little nervous about being stuck in a cell with a guy called the Ssusage King.

Can you imagine?

“Hey Scott, we think we finally found you a cellmate…”
“Oh great! Who? Charles Manson?”
“Nope… The Sausage King!”

Hopefully there’s a bit more to it than the murderer’s former career. If anyone deserves a nice long prison rape, it’s Peterson.